Friday, 16 March 2018


Right me in 2015, left me in 2014. So since December I've been travelling down a deep dark hole of ovarian issues, fertility problems ,etc. It's been horrible. I'm feeling brighter about the whole situation now and I just wanted to share my final opinion on the subject.

A photo of me when I was 12...god I wish I could warn young me to get checked NOW. My DR's treatment of me has been poor to put it nicely. This started in Dec 2017 and it looks like I've been offered surgery september at the EARLIEST. The frustration I feel is unreal. I can't afford to go private and work wise this troubles me, I've been offered FOUR jobs, four lovely amazing perfect for me jobs but I can't accept them until after this surgery. Rant over on to the positivities!!

So I met my partners boss Hamish the other week (if you need tree work in south london contact them!) . cut above tree management. Hamish is a pro.

His friend gave me some great advice I hope she doesn't mind me sharing with you today!!
It seems there is no silver bullet and some things work brilliantly for some people, but not for others. However, there also seem to be some general rules: Endo is caused by an imbalance in hormones, specifically too much oestrogen. Something few people know is that there are several different types of oestrogen - some are beneficial and some are not. Your friend may already know all this, but it all came as news to me when I first started researching, and I'm still finding out more as I've recently been through early menopause (another Endo phenomenon often not talked about).

Here are some of the resources I found useful in my journey.
What your Doctor may not tell you about breast cancer by John R Lee M.D.
In fact, he's also written a couple of others that would be relevant:

Endometriosis by Dian Shepperson Mills
Dian used to work as an Endo-specialist Nurtitionist at the Hale Clinic in London.

Natural Fertility by Francesca Naish is a beautiful book with essential advice if you're trying to conceive naturally (or avoid conception actually too!). This became an absolute bible for me.

If you're ever interested in having kids and end up having to go down the IVF route, look up Alice Domar's work. Her take on IVF and her research about relaxation and increasing success with IVF is brilliant. I STILL listen to her guided meditations (which don't mention anything to do with fertility. I just love her voice :-)

Get on to Dr Dan Purser's website. He's an expert at Natural Progresterone. But has a very annoying American voice!

Support groups:
Endometriosis UK I went to a couple of their AGMs which had fantastic info sessions.

Endometriosis Association
They have a great e-newsletter and are usually the first to talk about trials and new treatments. I see they're now on FB too.

Alice Domar used to come to the UK through the Bridge Centre in London Bridge to do weekend workshops with people doing IVF. The support group that emerged from the weekend I spent there was integral, I believe, to me eventually becoming pregnant with our son Olli (who's now 10 :-)

Doctors: I went down the path of using Natural Progesterone cream. It's the only thing, apart from being on the Pill (but I didn't like the artificial hormones in that - they have a completely different chemical makeup to the natural or bioidential ones used in the creams and can have side-effects) that stopped my incessant and debilitating pain. If you go down the Natural or Bioidentical Progesterone route (the natural progesterone balances the excess oestrogen in your system) the do so under the guidance of a doctor. Just search online for Natural or Bioidentical Progesterone doctors. I used one that was in Ireland and did phone interviews :-)

I hope this helps. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to email. I wish you every luck in finding some relief from Endo. I had laparoscopies, IVF and even egg donation. I now have two beautiful kids 6 and 10, and am painfree not just because of menopause. I became pain free as soon as I discovered Nat Prog.

These issues are so important to me right now...please don't hesistate to get in contact or elizabeth.jazzy on instagram if you wanna add your opinion, I'd love to add other girls advice/opinions to this post as I find it helpful.

Thursday, 15 February 2018

Vegan/Vegetarian Survival Guide

Well I've completed almost a month now of vegetarianism. So ironic considering last year at this sort of time I attended a vegan fair at Alexandra Palace, courtesy of Jacob's friend we had free entry. His dad is heavily involved in The Vegan society. So why is it ironic I hear you ask? Well I wasn't vegan back then. Sure, it interested me as a concept but STEAK. That stopped me. Until one day...
I had a turkey wrap on the way back from drinking half a bottle of wine with my friend, I gave in to my cravings. The next day, I regretted it, having to leave work and throw up in the nearest Nero (sorry Nero). So yes, after that I was done with meat.

I love the phrase 'the more you know, the more you grow' with vegetarian stuff this applies heavily. The more you know about meat production, the more you know about eggs, how milk is full of pus, etc etc. This helps me stick with not eating meat/dairy products/eggs every day.

I'm already dairy intolerant, no cheese milk etc sob, but eggs were a big one. I love baking cakes and desserts and eggs have always been a big part of that. I ended up trying an egg replacement, there's quite an expensive one from Holland & Barett, Follow Your Heart Vegan Egg £7.99 that works beautifully. Or I recommend trying cafaba (the watery substance that comes with chickpeas) and whipping it up like an egg white. As for chocolate, just spend that extra £1 to get a nice quality dark chocolate (they come in all yummy flavours y'know).

Right on to should ideally use no animal testing products. I use Sukin cleaner, scrub, moisturiser and a random organic eye cream. Then coconut oil and cocoa butter for when I need a hair mask. I like Green People, they do decent shower gels that don't irritate my sensitive skin. This was always an issue for me, a fair amount of brands from somewhere like Boots would give me an allergic reaction- flare up in a rash etc.

Makeup is a tricky one for me, again sensitivity I've always used a Bare Minerals liquid light coverage foundation. I mix and match the rest of my supplies. To be honest, my estee lauder touche eclat might not be vegan friendly. Their parent company probably tests on animals. I didn't consider this before asking it as a gift for xmas sooo next time I buy an under-eye concealer/highlighter I'll be researching more what a decent organic makeup brand is.

Clothing need to be more vigilant with where you shop. Ideally, double checking 'faux fur' is sourced not from an animal. A few brands recently were selling 'faux fur' and it turned out to be rabbit. Why god why? Even before I stopped eating meat I'd be unimpressed if I was sold fake fur and it turned out to be a poor dead bunny.

My friend said 'Jazz you've got to love the animals before you learn to love and accept yourself' before I turned to vege. I found it patronising at the time but now I think it's quite heart felt. I find every day I'm happy and content with life. I've found a balance between mania and depression and I feel (however crazy this might sound) my diet and lifestyle change has helped with this. I used to feel so slug-ish after eating a big heavy meat meal. My brain didn't feel like it worked as fast as it does now. I've never been more inspired in my work. I've never been more inspired to excercise and keep in shape b/c I care about myself now I guess.

Anyway a few more food-y things to get you on track,
I recommend trying....

1) Kale!
2) Seaweed (buying dried and then baking it in the oven makes amazing crisps!)
3) Sweet potato fries with honey and mustard
4) Spinach (good for iron! build ya muscles and help your womanly time of the month)
5) Apple cider vinegar (I've always loved this stuff, put a cap full in a glass of water or use in salad dressings)
6) Depending on whether you're vegetarian or vegan (I define mine vegetarian as I eat honey and bee pollen) get yourself some good local honey. un-processed or the Honeycomb one is great. If you're syrup or some sort of natural plant alternative. I can't not eat honey I feel, it contains so many super-food ingridients and being ill I'm concious I need as much goodness as I can get.
7) avocados
8) flaxseed/linseed (I enjoy flaxseed tea for my omega 3 boost)
9) GF bread/baguettes
11) Purified water (I live in London so it's more of an issue of the taste inner city water yuck)
12) CHEESE. Violife do a nice parmesan replacement and H&B stock a good round soft cheese.
13) SNACKS...
Right to start with I love Hippeas from h&b. So yummy, low calorie & high in protein. Nuts are a good one but pricey if like me you needed a pot of mixed nuts a day cause you have a high energy job.
Anyway that's probably enough info right now for you to digest.

BOOKS are also important. I find they help me learn. More in depth than I probably would without it. Gardening wise too you don't have to care about plants to want to learn about herbs! You might not be able to keep a plant alive but you can use herbal medicine in your cooking. How to grow simple herbs is eaaaasssyy. Also botany is often all emcompassing like with natural skincare. All of these things link in I find. My love for gardening and food is evolving every day with what I learn, I can't believe I didn't do this sooner.

Now I know what you're thinking. All of this 'vital' stuff costs big ££££. Not really, I have a very small budget right now as I'm unable to work. I manage it it's just some weeks I won't have the superfoods powder /other more luxury items like icecream, chocolate etc. You really notice the different changing these habits. My partner would vouch for this, my mood, my appearance/skin (less blemishes) have vastly improved.

Please also note NONE of this is sponsored. The brands I've mentioned I've researched and tried and tested and approve of myself and buy with my own moula...
All photos taken by me and copyright Hivenn.

Monday, 12 February 2018

Old Photos Re-edited

You know the feeling when you just see a photo with fresh eyes and have a different idea of how to present it...I had this this morning in fact. An example of the original photo and then the two I just changed. Lots of love.... This is Etta.

My Work Ethic

Helllo world! So today I thought I'd talk about the non-taboo subject of work! How hard do you think you work? To the best of your ability all the time? Or is your job so full on you're working full time but only at 60% capacity? This is what I found with my old breathers hard manual labour all day, in my condition for the past two months I've been off work but prior, if we're just talking the few weeks I was working after xmas...I was only about 40% capable. I was in pain a lot of the time. I'm not just talking period cramps...I'm talking severe agonising why am I not in bed/a bath pain...It wouldn't go for most of the day normally, only getting occasional 10 min 'normal' breaks where I could actually concentrate on my job.

SO yes... it's been hard. But now I'm working for myself somewhat...Trying to gather my thoughts and feelings on photography again. So far so good. I've completed two shoots, one in my garden which was easy enough, really photogenic model so I didn't have to figure out her angles (all angles are flattering on Sophie Brookes) and one in a forest w/ Jove Manikiza and Jacob. A new project is just what I needed to concentrate on when I feel I've lost some of my independence.

Thanks for listening. I just like glitter KK.
Jasmine x

 hat- beyond retro
 (the ohh god that's a chilly wind face)

Twitter Crew

Hey guys I'm looking for new twitter friends...please come say hi!


Wednesday, 31 January 2018

The Birch Short Tree Horror

Thought I'd post this as I found it an interesting concept and watch, how it's been produced and filmed and edited is pure genius.

Tuesday, 30 January 2018

Valentines Ideas

So for me I'd appreciate all the following...ideas for budget savvy buyers with any sort of budget (mine is pretty small)
this Valentino headband. I'm absolutely in only £330 in the Net A Porter it's taking all my willpower not to buy it (bear in mind this costs more than a months rent of mine so very unlikely I'm getting this)

A session at the arch climbing will. Jacob and I went before and it's great fun...only problem I had was when I got to the top I felt like when a cat gets to the top of the tree and has no idea how to get down again.

Some bum bum cream

A few ideas I have for Jacob (I don't think he's an avid follower of my blog so I don't mind posting it)
Tickets to see a random band he likes
Tickets to see Flight of the conchords (that's mostly for me)
A new STIHL chain saw or FELCO secateurs
Chain saw merchandise
Anything tree related
A book I know he won't read unless I force him to listen to me read it (he hates reading)
An actual tree
Beard oil
Hand drawn tree card

Again please let me know if you have any ideas for partners! email or facebook/instagram. Love.

How Working Out Changed My Life

So I started with yoga and built up from there...joining a local gym at 18 and at my most physically fit stage going 5 days a week to 1 or 2 classes a day plus a run before the class. I loved it. Virgin gym is pretty good, from my experience it is quite expensive but in Essex I did 6 months for £40 a month. Not too bad considering up until 1 month ago I belonged to a gym in Lewisham and for again £40 a month it was pretty dirty, needed maintenance, struggled to keep classes running because not enough people attended and a shared sauna room. At Virgin men and women had separate facilities which I think is quite important. Considering how comfortable I am around men getting sweaty and occasional looks I expect a separate steam room for £40 a month.

ANYWAY considering my current condition I quit the gym and found I just needed to work out at home more. I use a bag of bike locks as a squat weight. Just as good as the gym bars really.

 Much better on my budget to just do it at home. And I "treat myself" by going on occasional bouldering days (Stockwell), booking a pole dancing class or two at Ecole De Pole (Camden, London) and cycling a lot with my boyfriend I find all contribute to my personal fitness. I feel I've always been lucky to have my Mum's genes, she's slim naturally like my Gran and her Mum prior to that. On my Dad's side, the fitness is strong with him and my Step Mum but my Gran was on the cuddly side. So I work every day towards keeping my fitness levels up.

I also garden for a job so that keeps me active every day (apart from when I'm signed off ill). It's hard but worth it. Depression or any depressive thoughts never come around when I work out day to day. My joints get stronger, I have hyper mobility so I've been in pain majority of my life (only recently been diagnosed with hype m not chronic fatigue syndrome which I was told I had at 13) but working out definitely helps.

What fitness routine do you have? I'm curious to know if anyone else out there suffers the same issues/any tips you might have. Either contact me on instagram or facebook.

Me, My Ovaries and My Partner

Well, this might be a long one...I'll try to keep it as to the point as possible but I can't promise anything. Before I start...if you relate at all and want someone to talk to email me or check out these related links cancer ovarian symptoms || community on macmillan || menstruation research, "we need to talk about ovarian cysts" ||

(me at Peckham levels, stunning vegan full english w/ bloody mary)

Ovaries. Quite a complex issue really, in the UK (unlike other places in Europe) we don't get regular checks...Something like the smear test (cervical screening) is meant to be done on a regular occasion but again a lot of women either feel intimidated or worried by this test. Drs advise every three this even enough? My housemate said a lot of problems don't get discovered until it's too late in the UK. This has been playing on my mind as recently I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst.

(my mum and I)

Now I don't have much experience whatsoever with close friends having similar issues so when I first found out (after paying for a private pelvic scan as I felt the NHS weren't taking my complaints- severe pain, bleeding, general weakness- seriously enough) I didn't know how to handle it. My partner was very supporting. Is still being very supportive. I have symptoms that have got me signed off work for three weeks so far. In a very male dominated career I feel even more uneasy with this diagnosis. What if they question the pain? Think I'm weak? I'm anything but weak. Dealing with this sort of issue you really find your inner strength.

(my brother and I 22 Jan- if you observe closely you can tell I'm somewhat in pain but I try to focus on the happiness instead I felt at this moment with my bro) 

I don't want to just isolate women in this have problems with their reproductive organs I appreciate this. One of my old friends had three balls his whole life and it was just something he lived with, no pain no other symptoms just a third ball that turned out to be a benign cyst. Women often get cysts with no symptoms, just filled with liquid that go away within 6-8 weeks. I'm not expert I'm just trying to educate myself.

Well, back to my partner. I'm extremely lucky to be with such a charming, funny, smart guy. BUT How do I feel about him somewhat acting as a carer for the majority of the day? Does this put a strain on our relationship? Yes. We live together and I know as an easy going bloke he's happy to help me when I need it...Even getting undressed and dressed has been a struggle b/c of the pain and he's really picked up after me and cared for me for the past two months. Before the diagnosis he was helping simply b/c he cared. But how do you separate the two? I need to be independent, I've been signed off work so I'm at home most of the day when he's at work as I find I can't really go out on my own right now. I feel light headed/generally not "with it" majority of the time. If I was single I'm also very lucky to know my mum would do everything in her power to keep me safe and sane but I think it helps with a partner as they understand and I'm sure my other half worries but not half as much as my Mum would if she saw me in the state of severe pain and being a moron I am day to day right now.

One last thing, I'm so focused on the "right now" because it makes me feel more positive about the future. I hope I've handled this subject as best as I can despite being when I'm so emotionally attached to it. My emotions as up and down every day, my dr said I might have to have a laproscopy (minor surgery) so it looks like I might not be at work for a while yet. I hate this...I love my job, I love exercise (I'm still trying to squat, yoga and do the odd bit of cardio at home as it keeps me sane), I just love being 'normal' and a general reality of pain every day makes this harder to achieve at this stage in my life. It can only get better and I know I'll get back to being that crazy chick who doesn't stop talking nor runs out of energy after a few hours of doing nothing. Thanks for reading. Please contact me if you have any criticism or stories/advice of your own! and I hope you're all doing well this January 2018....-

Wednesday, 24 January 2018

Reading List

My mum would almost insist I did this every month as she's an avid reader and a librarian by trade. I'm a plant fanatic so most of my recommendations are going to be linked with this and a few maybe less obvious choices I'll include. Hope you're all having a great day!! Love to your mothers.

American Psycho by Bret Eaton Ellis

a personal favourite of mine after seeing the film...the book divulges a lot more information that I was curious to know after the film. 
All books by Sarra Manning

a childhood favourite author of mine, I'd recommend her to anyone and everyone. She's now written adult books which are great, wonderfully written and great stories plus her teenage books which are for that sort of age audience but still worth a read

Rhs encyclopedia of plants and flowers

 an essential for my work and general interest in the natural plant world 

RHS Herbs for the Gourmet Gardener: Old, new, common and curious herbs to grow and eat

a must read for anyone interested in plants, also contains some good herbal health remedies I've tried and recommend

Conspiracy of Brothers: A True Story of Bikers, Murder and the Law

after watching sons of anarchy I hunted out relevant books about motorcycle gangs I could enjoy and learn from. This was one of the better ones I've read


Monday, 22 January 2018

25th Birthday

Hello! Just below, me five years ago. Below again, my brothers and I roughly six years ago. I'm just reflecting on my life as it's my 25th birthday in an hour! To sound cliche, I feel like I've learnt a lot over this period of time. Even more so in the last five years...I've grown up a lot and got to grips with adulthood, depression, death, suicide, changing careers,etcetc. I won't bore you with the minor details. All of these things take a lot of getting used to but I definitely feel like I'm in a good place now (at least!). So, watch this space...I'll be back to natter about plants ASAP.

(above- me four years ago, below one year ago)
(Ladywell roughly a year ago)

(my mum and gran- below me at 17ish)