Tuesday, 30 January 2018

Me, My Ovaries and My Ex Partner

Update: I left this relationship in October. No negative energies, just wasn't productive for either of us.

Well, this might be a long one...I'll try to keep it as to the point as possible but I can't promise anything. Before I start...if you relate at all and want someone to talk to email me hivenn@hotmail.com or check out these related links

ovarian.org.uk cancer ovarian symptoms || community on macmillan || menstruation research, "we need to talk about ovarian cysts" ||

(me at Peckham levels, stunning vegan full english w/ bloody mary)

Ovaries. Quite a complex issue really, in the UK (unlike other places in Europe) we don't get regular checks...Something like the smear test (cervical screening) is meant to be done on a regular occasion but again a lot of women either feel intimidated or worried by this test. Drs advise every three years...is this even enough? My housemate said a lot of problems don't get discovered until it's too late in the UK. This has been playing on my mind as recently I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst.

(my mum and I)

Now I don't have much experience whatsoever with close friends having similar issues so when I first found out (after paying for a private pelvic scan as I felt the NHS weren't taking my complaints- severe pain, bleeding, general weakness- seriously enough) I didn't know how to handle it. My partner was very supporting. Is still being very supportive. I have symptoms that have got me signed off work for three weeks so far. In a very male dominated career I feel even more uneasy with this diagnosis. What if they question the pain? Think I'm weak? I'm anything but weak. Dealing with this sort of issue you really find your inner strength.

(my brother and I 22 Jan- if you observe closely you can tell I'm somewhat in pain but I try to focus on the happiness instead I felt at this moment with my bro) 

I don't want to just isolate women in this issue...men have problems with their reproductive organs I appreciate this. One of my old friends had three balls his whole life and it was just something he lived with, no pain no other symptoms just a third ball that turned out to be a benign cyst. Women often get cysts with no symptoms, just filled with liquid that go away within 6-8 weeks. I'm not expert I'm just trying to educate myself.

Well, back to my partner. I'm extremely lucky to be with such a charming, funny, smart guy. BUT How do I feel about him somewhat acting as a carer for the majority of the day? Does this put a strain on our relationship? Yes. We live together and I know as an easy going bloke he's happy to help me when I need it...Even getting undressed and dressed has been a struggle b/c of the pain and he's really picked up after me and cared for me for the past two months. Before the diagnosis he was helping simply b/c he cared. But how do you separate the two? I need to be independent, I've been signed off work so I'm at home most of the day when he's at work as I find I can't really go out on my own right now. I feel light headed/generally not "with it" majority of the time. If I was single I'm also very lucky to know my mum would do everything in her power to keep me safe and sane but I think it helps with a partner as they understand and I'm sure my other half worries but not half as much as my Mum would if she saw me in the state of severe pain and being a moron I am day to day right now.

One last thing, I'm so focused on the "right now" because it makes me feel more positive about the future. I hope I've handled this subject as best as I can despite being when I'm so emotionally attached to it. My emotions as up and down every day, my dr said I might have to have a laproscopy (minor surgery) so it looks like I might not be at work for a while yet. I hate this...I love my job, I love exercise (I'm still trying to squat, yoga and do the odd bit of cardio at home as it keeps me sane), I just love being 'normal' and a general reality of pain every day makes this harder to achieve at this stage in my life. It can only get better and I know I'll get back to being that crazy chick who doesn't stop talking nor runs out of energy after a few hours of doing nothing. Thanks for reading. Please contact me if you have any criticism or stories/advice of your own! and I hope you're all doing well this January 2018....- hivenn@hotmail.com