Thursday, 19 September 2019

Frustration

Song- Bo Burnham REPEAT STUFF

Soooo good morning world. Another day, another dick move by the fellow womanly public I've encountered while trying to hold my cool and not slap a bitch down in public. I was at the drs. There's a long wait. A chavvy lady bowls to reception "WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY APPPOINTMENT ISN'T UNTIL 5.40 I'M GONNA BE HERE WAITING UNTIL ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE DONE.....I'M NOT AVIN' THIS" kicks off therefore gets to go to the front of the que...I tried to defend the NHS in the midst of all this...they're understaffed and underpaid...we've all been waiting hun. Confronted by the receptionist then telling me and a fellow male human who was unimpressed with the chavs reaction to back off and let her deal with it. Considering my usual calm nature, this woman riled me. She stated loudly "I HAVE TWO KIDS AT HOME I SHOULD BE WITH THEM". Maybe take them with you hun. Or deal with it. I'm used to waiting 30 mins to see a dr, you plan it accordingly. Cmon. I'm upset enough seeing cute kids at the drs...let alone having it shoved in my face this chav had two, I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE KIDS. FFS. PLEASE. SIT DOWN. AND. WAIT.
So how did I manage not to knock her out? My ability to see it from different perspectives. Why did she feel the need to kick off? Because she can't look out of her tiny little mindset which is all about her. If she had.....consideration.....I might not have felt so hurt and upset just as a bystander. What right does she have to go to the front of the que? There's a massive sign saying no abuse of staff. She was getting abusive. Lucky the receptionist had training in how to deal with awkward patients. I feel sorry for her. Sitting behind a glass screen, sounds like she has to deal with difficult patients day by day.
I'm frustrated about my treatment, knowing I've been put on the pill to 'stop bleeding' yet end up in an ambulance because the pill is fighting with my endometriosis internally, my period stopped for two days then came back BUT WORSE THAN EVER. CUE 111. CUE AMBULANCE. CUE DRIP. CUE STRROOOONNG PAINKILLER THAT MESSES UP MY HEAD FOR THREE DAYS. Knowing I need an operation but gyno is underfunded in that sector because REPRODUCTION is prioritized. I can barely work now. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm losing a lot of blood day by day. I have multiple interviews I keep having to cancel, up to 32k a year. I'm devastated. But I have ideas, the wider picture, and joy I live by day to day that keeps me going. No need to quit, no need to get aggy. I'm lucky my MUM taught me how to be a decent human being and I still get to go to her day by day, she and who I surround myself with are rocks. Anyway, enough for today. Here's some pretty photos. All my own opinions, please don't be offended. I feel blessed every day but some things get under my skin. On a positive note, a nice lady with her baby picked up my water I'd dropped. Turned out she had endo, took her 9 months to conceive. Her baby was there. This touches my cold heart.
Best wishes to all, Jasmine

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